Any day now, we will be welcoming two chickens—hopefully Belgian D'Uccles—to our wee suburban terrace backyard. Joseph built a coop with his bare hands! Apparently hens of this breed are very companionable and will often try to sneak inside the house and sit on your lap. SOLD.

Without any actual chickens to play with yet I’ve amused myself by thinking about what I, oops, we, might name them. Unfortunately Joseph doesn’t agree with my general philosophy that pet names should be hilarious. Here are some of the excellent suggestions that have been vetoed so far:

Charles and Diana
Kylie and Jason
Corey Haim and Corey Feldman
Ellen and Portia

OK, looking at that list I perhaps haven’t hit the jackpot yet, but it is diverting to imagine arriving home and calling, Corey Haim! Corey Feldman! Dinner!